So much has changed for our family over the last 5 months, I feel like I am just now catching my breath - just in time for more changes to happen, two to be exact. :) After selling our home and moving down the street into another home, we began the process of making some very needed changes. The kitchen got a face lift, siding was replaced, the exterior was painted, along with some of the interior, and as of now, windows are being replaced. Along with all the unpacking, London starting first grade 2 days after our move, Noble starting his second year of preschool, James started a new job at Koch, and oh, yeah, adjusting to the completely unexpected news of being pregnant with twins, which we were still (and are continuing) to absorb. Whew.
It's all such wonderful things-school is going great for both kids, James loves his new job, the house is staring to feel like home, I feel great (considering), babies are growing stronger every day and have made it almost full term, and now that things have finally started to settle, I am so overwhelmed.
Yes, now. Overwhelmed with joy and gratitude, but also anxiety about what the not-so-distant future is going to look like. I know it's going to be great, crazy, sleepless, wonderful, emotional, joyous, exhausting, and the most difficult for me- completely unknown. What will it be like to have to feed/console/change/care for two babies, while still attending the needs of everyone else in my family? I know enough to be apprehensive (adjusting to a new member of the family in any circumstance is huge and life-altering to say the least), but not enough to be (what I would consider) fully prepared. But I guess I can never really be. So this is the tough part for me. The calm before the storm. The waiting. The time I have to think, reflect, and ultimately go into a slight panic at the questions of what's to come. The time when I can't cast my anxiety onto picking out window treatments and the insane busyness I grew accustomed to the last 6 months and used as my coping mechanism. I need to cast my anxiety on Him. The author and perfecter of my faith. I know I desperately need Jesus, and to rely on His promises for me, especially when I start to allow the craziness of what lies ahead to consume my thoughts.
He is my calm, He is my refuge, He is my order and my peace. Most of my day should be spent in prayer, not trying to visualize what labor is going to be like this time around. (And definitely not perusing the Internet trying to figure it out-and I thought I was a fairly intelligent individual. You know what you should never do when you can't sleep? Read birthing stories, such a fantastic idea; sure to help you nod right of with happy thoughts and peaceful dreams.)
I am so ready (I think) for the babies to be here. Ready to be thrown into the thick of it so I can 'DO' and not forecast. So now we just wait. And pray. And then pray some more.
Philippians 4:6
Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything; tell God your needs and don't forget to thank Him for his answers. If you do this you will experience God's peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand.
