It is so very strange, parenting, life-navigating it all. London, my eldest, at the wise old age of ten, took it upon herself to start pursuing her dreams and started her very own blog this weekend. She has a writing schedule, a journal chalked FULL of ideas and so much enthusiasm. It's wonderful and odd. This parenting four children thing has kind of blown me into a whirlpool that I have not yet emerged from, although I can see the sky, maybe wisps of clouds above the crests at times. I started my own blog once, two in fact. This one in hopes of recording my children's and family's lives. the good, the bad, the memorable and the mundane. The second one was to be more of a side gig to play with and maybe make some money from, eventually. That one, amid being a mom and wife and homemaker, and probably too much time on social media, didn't last long. This one hasn't been posted on in almost a year. Maybe when the kids are all in school, I keep thinking. But here I am, helping my baby navigate the internets, still unable to find that loop of time. That elusive time when I'm going to pursue things for 'me', remember 'me', success, fulfillment. All those words that run through my head on dark and sunny days. But maybe that is how it's supposed to be. Maybe I am finding me in them. Maybe helping them explore their interests, discovering with them, spurring them, between making them food and folding their laundry, that is me. Right now me. My little girl won't ask me to type for her forever. Heck, she didn't want me to eat in the lunch room past the second week of first grade. Technology isn't my thing and we spent way too long trying to figure out how to enable comments this morning. Sometimes I wonder what I'm doing, where does my time go? But it is going to her, her brothers, her sister, my husband, my family, which we are now so fortunate to live close to. Maybe in my search for 'time', 'success', 'pursuits' outside of the home, I'm missing that they are right here. In front of me. And I haven't missed anything. I am, in fact finding everything. God is using me. He is using them. I am better and worse for it. And I wrote today. and helped my baby write. And everyone is fed. So there's that.